The 40th anniversary gift is ruby, on the traditional list, the modern list and British lists alike. The fortieth is the ruby wedding anniversary, and its color, a deep red, is as much the theme as the stone itself. A ruby is a serious purchase, so many couples and families mark the year in red instead: roses, glass, wine, or one small stone in a simple setting.
What is the 40th anniversary gift?
| List | 40th anniversary gift |
|---|---|
| Traditional (US) | Ruby |
| Modern (US) | Ruby |
| British | Ruby |
The Gemological Institute of America's list of anniversary gems gives ruby for the fortieth year too, so for once every list agrees. Pick a year in the tool to see the neighboring anniversaries and ideas at three price levels.
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Why is ruby the fortieth anniversary gift?
The oldest lists named nothing between the silver wedding at twenty-five years and the golden wedding at fifty. The years between were given gems in the early 20th century, and the order took a while to settle. According to TIME, a reference book of 1910 listed pearl, coral, emerald and ruby for the anniversaries from the thirtieth to the forty-fifth. On the lists used today ruby holds the fortieth year, with sapphire after it at forty-five.
The usual explanation is the color. Red is the color of the heart, and by tradition ruby stands for passion and courage; a ruby at forty years is said to show a flame still burning. That reading is tradition and sentiment, not history. No source from the time records why ruby took this year.
Ruby is rare in large sizes and fine stones are among the most valuable colored gems, so it suits a place late in the scale, between pearl and gold.
What to know before buying a ruby
- Ruby is red corundum. It is the same mineral as sapphire, colored by chromium, and only diamond is harder. It is tough enough to wear every day.
- Color matters most. The finest stones are a deep red with a hint of purple. A small ruby with strong color looks better than a larger one that is pinkish or dark.
- Most rubies are treated. Heating to improve color is common and accepted. Cheaper stones may be filled with glass, which makes them more fragile. Ask what has been done to the stone, and for an expensive one ask for a laboratory report.
Ruby is also the July birthstone, and our guide to ruby goes into color, treatments and cleaning.
Gift ideas by budget
Prices vary too much to list, so these are grouped by level.
Budget-friendly
- Forty red roses, or one rose for each decade with a note on each.
- A ruby-red glass vase, bowl or pair of candle holders.
- A jar of forty folded notes, each with a memory, tied with red ribbon.
- A homemade dinner in red: tomatoes, cherries, pomegranate, a red velvet cake.
Mid-range
- A small ruby pendant, a pair of studs or a tie pin.
- A piece in garnet, a red gem at a gentler price.
- Ruby-red crystal glasses or a decanter.
- A bottle of red wine or port from the year of the wedding, if they drink it.
- A red leather album filled with forty years of photographs.
Splurge
- A ruby ring, or a band set with a row of small rubies.
- Adding a ruby to an existing ring, or resetting a family stone.
- A party for everyone who was at the wedding, with a red theme.
- A journey to somewhere the two of you have talked about for forty years.
Ideas for her, for him and for the two of you
- For her: ruby earrings, a ruby set beside the diamond in her engagement ring, a red silk scarf, or a rose bush with deep red blooms for the garden.
- For him: ruby-set cufflinks or a signet ring, a red-dialed watch, a red enamel pen, or a first-class version of a hobby day he would not arrange for himself.
- For the two of you: a pair of ruby-red glasses for the toast, new portraits by a photographer, a vow renewal, or a return to the place you married.
From children, family and friends: a framed family tree or a photograph of every generation together marks what forty years have built. Red flowers and a shared meal complete it.
If ruby is not their thing
- Another red gem. Garnet, the January birthstone, is the obvious one; see our guide to garnet. Red spinel is another.
- The color alone. Red glass, fabric, flowers or enamel.
- Time together. A celebration or a trip in place of an object.
The list is a custom, not a rule, and the fortieth is one of the anniversaries where the color does most of the work.
What to write in a ruby anniversary card
Three short examples to adapt:
- "Forty years, and my heart still does what it did the day we met. Happy ruby anniversary."
- "Four decades of you. I would not trade them for all the rubies in the world."
- "To Mom and Dad: forty years, and you still make it look easy. With all our love."
Before this came the pearl anniversary at thirty; next is the golden anniversary at fifty. Ruby also appears as the gem for fifteen years. The whole chart is in gifts for every anniversary year.