The traditional 13 year anniversary gift is lace, and the modern alternative is textiles and furs. The British list printed by Debrett's gives lace as well. Lace sounds like a narrow theme, but it can be read as a fabric, a pattern or a keepsake from the wedding itself, and the modern entry widens the field to any textile, with faux fur standing in for the real thing.
What is the 13 year anniversary gift?
| List | 13th anniversary gift |
|---|---|
| Traditional (US) | Lace |
| Modern (US) | Textiles and furs |
| British | Lace |
Pick a year in the tool to compare the lists and see ideas at three price levels.
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Why is lace the thirteenth anniversary gift?
Lace is a 20th-century addition. The few anniversaries named in the 1800s did not include the thirteenth, and Emily Post's list in Etiquette in 1922 had nothing between tin at ten years and crystal at fifteen. Lace was assigned when the lists were extended to every year up to the fifteenth, and no source from that time gives a reason.
The usual explanation is that lace is intricate: many fine threads worked patiently into one pattern, as thirteen years of shared days make a marriage. It is a later reading and a pleasant one.
On the list itself, lace follows naturally from the year before. The twelfth anniversary is silk or linen, and lace is traditionally made from those same threads, so the two years form a pair. Lace also appears on the modern list for the eighth year, as "linens and lace."
Why does the modern list say textiles and furs?
The list usually printed as the modern one grew out of the longer lists American retailers and jewelers worked on in the 1920s and 1930s, when a fur coat was a standard luxury gift. The entry has not aged well. Many people today will not wear real fur, and some places restrict its sale.
The sensible modern reading is textiles and faux fur. A faux-fur throw, collar or pair of slippers keeps the idea of something warm and soft, and the "textiles" half of the entry covers almost anything made of cloth.
Gift ideas by budget
Prices vary too much to list, so these are grouped by level.
Budget-friendly
- A lace bookmark, or a lace-edged handkerchief with embroidered initials.
- A paper-cut or laser-cut card in a lace pattern, with a letter inside.
- A lace table runner or a set of doilies in a modern design.
- A faux-fur cushion cover or a pair of faux-fur-lined slippers.
Mid-range
- A framed piece of lace from the wedding dress, the veil or a family heirloom.
- A lace-trimmed top, robe or scarf.
- A faux-fur throw for the couch.
- A woven wall hanging or a hand-knotted cushion.
- A class in lace making, weaving or macramé.
Splurge
- A handwoven rug or a quilt made to order.
- A coat with a faux-fur collar or lining.
- A piece of antique lace, mounted and framed.
- Jewelry in lace-like filigree, in silver or gold.
Lace keeps best out of direct sunlight, so a framed piece is better hung away from a bright window. If you are using lace from a wedding dress or a family piece, ask a framer who works with textiles, so that nothing has to be cut or glued.
Ideas for her, for him and for the two of you
- For her: a filigree pendant or ring, a lace-detailed dress or camisole, a faux-fur stole for winter evenings, or a woven tapestry for the room she works in.
- For him: a pair of dress shoes or boots with fine laces, a knitted tie, a wool-and-faux-fur trapper hat, a woven blanket for his chair, or a print of a lace pattern for the wall.
- For the two of you: a rug you choose together, lace curtains for the bedroom, a heavy woven throw and a film night, or a weekend in a town known for its textile or lace-making tradition.
If lace is not their thing
- The modern list. Any textile they would use, from a beach towel to a wall hanging.
- The pattern without the fabric. Lace designs are cut into wood, metal, leather and paper, and filigree jewelry is lace made in metal.
- Citrine. The Gemological Institute of America lists citrine as the thirteenth-anniversary gem, with the caution that no single authoritative list exists. Citrine is also a November birthstone; see our guide to topaz and citrine.
The lists are customs, and this year's entries show how much customs change. Use them loosely.
What to write in a thirteenth anniversary card
Three short examples to adapt:
- "Thirteen years of threads, and I love the pattern we have made. Happy anniversary."
- "Lucky thirteen. Lucky me."
- "Thirteen years in, and my life is still tied up with yours. I like it that way."
Before this came silk or linen, for the twelfth anniversary; next is the fourteenth, traditionally ivory. The whole chart is in gifts for every anniversary year.