What Healthy Self Esteem Looks Like

We have entered the third and last week of the LOVE edition series. If you have missed any of the lessons so far, you can always click the tab above. The third week is geared towards self esteem and confidence. We briefly touched on why these are two important traits when it comes to relationships and love. To summarize, when we have a healthy level of self esteem we make better decisions, especially when it comes to choosing partners. Lack of self esteem can lead to dangerous situations such as being in codependent or abusive situations. It also typically leads to lack of healthy friendships, toxic work environments, and low self respect and love.

So yes, self esteem is extremely important when it comes to love. Today we will discuss what healthy self esteem looks like. We’ll define what self esteem is, what affects our self esteem, and how to tell if we are in a health range.

What Is Self Esteem

Let’s begin with the basics. Self esteem is defined as how we view ourselves, how we feel about ourselves, and overall opinions about our abilities and limitations (as defined by Mayo Clinic). Not to be confused with self confidence, which is a trust in ourselves to perform well in the world and be successful. Making it incredibly possible for a person to exhibit a high self confidence but low self esteem. Meaning, they believe they are superior in certain areas of life, but feel poorly about who they are at the core.

What Impacts Our Self Esteem

It makes sense that we begin defining who we are and our views of ourselves from childhood. The moment we become aware of external influences and opinions, is the moment we begin to define our worth. For instance, our parents are probably the first people who showed us love, protection and overall positive feedback. This in turns develops a sense of worth, and ability to see ourselves as good. However, if we were teased in school, made fun of for our abilities or appearance, we may struggle with low self esteem.

A list of common influences that impact or self esteem include:

  • Personal Relationships (family, friends, schoolmates, coworkers)
  • School, family, or work environment
  • Media (read how social media impacts our self esteem)
  • Our personal thoughts and perspectives
  • Age (yes, with time we do gain more self esteem!)
  • Our roles in society
  • Any handicap or illness that may set us apart
What Healthy Self Esteem Looks Like

There is a range of low self esteem and health self esteem. It’s not very likely to have too much self esteem. Again, not to be confused with self confidence, which can be inflated. But when you are able to see yourself clearly and have love and appreciation for who you are, accepting flaws, appreciating your abilities, feel worthy, there isn’t such a thing of having too much. On top of those qualities, health self esteem is when you feel secure, grounded, and capable of validating yourself.

It’s natural to have good days and off days, where you don’t feel your best. As long as you consistently feel positive about who you are to the core, that’s a sign of health self esteem.

Often healthy self esteem does not gloat, exhibits prideful manners, or is ostentatious. In fact those are typically signs of someone who has low self esteem. Insecurities are very loud, and loud people are just sharing to the world their insecurities. Low self esteem also consists of inability to make decisions, constantly looking for approval and external validation, are meek and timid, profusely apologizing, and have poor posture.

Tomorrow we will discuss ways to gain self esteem!

Question Of The Day

How do you feel about yourself? You can either leave your answer in the comments or take some time today to journal about it.


  1. Oh gosh I’ve had the worse self esteem for the longest time. I tried to please everyone and I wanted everyone to love me and whenever that wouldn’t happen, it would take a toll on me. I only started to feel better about myself after I decided to put myself first and that I shouldn’t need the validation of others to be a measure of my worth!


  2. Wow, great post! Accepting for who you are is the first step to actually build your self-esteem. Self love is important. And we can only love ourselves if we can accept for who we really are.Thank you so much for this post!

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