Oh, the “cool girl”. We all know that one girl who is capable of pounding back beers, maintains that chill factor, is a size 2 and gorgeous. Well that’s at least how the writers in Hollywood imagine her to be.
You see, the cool girl doesn’t exist. It isn’t a real person but a persona invented primarily by guys who wish they could find a girl like this to date in real life. The effects though, is entirely damaging to women as a whole.
The cool girl stemmed from films and has since been enforced by several types of media. Movies and TV shows share that women should act a certain way to win over the guy. In movies it is always the cool girl we root for to get the man in the end. We never side with the woman who speaks her mind, has emotions, may cause a stir. No we deem those women as dramatic, high maintenance, and uptight.
Because of this, some women truly believe they have to act in an unnatural way to get a guy. You can read a full personal account here. Pretending nothing bothers them, pretending they are really into sports, pretending they can eat anything they want and still maintain their shape. Basically pretending to be a person who they don’t even necessarily like just for a man.
The best example of the epitome cool girl who went awry, is the fictional character in Gone Girl. She acted like she was one of the guys in order to win over her husband. The author, Flynn writes:
“Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, sh*t on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.”
But then the persona started to break and her husband started to say the dreaded “What happened to that cool girl I married”. That’s when the main character started going on a murder spree. A little exaggerated, or is it?
In an interview Flynn stated the cool girl mentality as:
“It’s the putting up with machismo bullsh*t, and smiling and nodding when you know better.”
It’s crazy we deem this “cool girl” as superior when in reality it is setting us women back about a few decades in regards to equality.
Now it’s not to say some women don’t actually enjoy sports. I know many women who are passionate about certain teams. I know a handful of women who thoroughly enjoy video games. I personally love craft beers. It is the mentality to become some unrealistic fantasy girl to appease a man, that’s too common and too damaging.
The main character trait of a cool girl (other than being hot), is essential not to have feelings. The cool girl is supposed to not give a care about anything. They are supposed to not create any drama or any emotional feelings around stuff. Which is weird, because haven’t men started wars and drama for centuries now? But us women, we are basically required to have all emotions severed to maintain this cool girl persona. How realistic is this? How damaging is this to keep all emotions inward? When does one begin to crack? Is it after saying, I do?
Then there is the other topic of “being one of the guys”. Women who tell me they relate more with men and don’t have girlfriends, I run the other direction. It is these women who often criticize other women, have no objection of stealing other women’s boyfriends, and would never call herself a feminist. Because being a feminist is after all, way too dramatic and elicits too much passion.
Listen, this is a topic that has been ingrained into our society for decades. To be mindful and create a discussion around how uncool the cool girl persona is may generate a reformation. To find your worth by how guys evaluate you is a lot of pressure and work. It is also not sustainable. But to find your worth from being yourself, having healthy relationships with other women, begin able to have emotions and speak up in a constructive way, now that is cool, girl!
Let me know your thoughts below!