How To Gain Self Esteem


Yesterday we defined what self esteem is and what a healthy range looks like. If you missed it, head on over to that article first! I think it is very normal to have issues with self esteem. Especially with the presence of social media. So how do we gain more self esteem? When I first broached this subject well over a decade ago, I was told, “You gain self esteem by doing esteem-able acts.” We’ll dive into what exactly that means, and other ways to boost your self esteem.

Esteem-able Acts

To refresh, self esteem is how we view ourselves. You may ask then, how would certain acts improve the way we see ourselves? Simple, how we view ourselves is often how we behave in society. Now, it is possible to start outwardly and worked backwards. Meaning, by taking actions that reflects self esteem, we naturally begin feeling better about who we are. Naturally, we begin building self esteem.

What actions might those be? Take a look at what self respect looks like, and the actions that reflect that trait. Begin there. Start with honesty, giving, and maintaining healthy boundaries. Amazingly, the simplest esteem-able act is showing up on time and doing what we committed to. By repeating these positive actions, we begin to build self esteem.

For example, say we committed to working out 3 times a week. After completing that task, we typically feel better about ourselves. We then are able to take that self esteem and apply it to different parts of our lives. The thought process is, “well if I can accomplish that, I can accomplish an array of tasks.” This builds and builds upon how we feel and view ourselves.

Focus On Thoughts And Perspectives

A large chunk of what attributes to our self esteem we cannot control. We can’t control how family, peers, friends, coworkers act, especially as children. However, we can choose what to focus on and our perspectives. I’ve written a few articles now about the power of affirmations and how that helps alter the way we view our core self. I would begin implementing a way to retrain your thought process to find the positive.

Decrease Compare And Despair

Another way to raise self esteem is stop comparing your journey, feelings, appearance, accomplishments, personal traits, and relationships with other people. The constant media or message that you are not enough or you are not doing enough is very much alive in our culture. Tune it out by not buying into that mindset of comparing what you have to what you are “suppose to have” based on societal norms.

How? By building up your own sense of security. Reassure you are on the right track, take time to meditate and listen to your intuition for guidance, journal and write about all you have accomplished, turn off the tv or shut down the apps an hour earlier. Know you are exactly where you are meant to be in life, nothing is an accident. The more we strengthen this muscle, the less we are influenced by external pressures and the better we feel about ourselves.

Question Of The Day

How do you strengthen your self esteem? Let me know in the comments below!


  1. A lot of it is decreasing my time spent on social media – I find myself sinking into a hole of despair if I spend too much time on it and it definitely isn’t good for my self-esteem! This was a great read – thanks for sharing 🙂

    Chynna |

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